5.30.13

It's 3 in the morning and I'm up. A little bit anxious yes because tomorrow will be the day where I start to receive my medication for NMO. It's weird because I feel like I have alot riding on this. When you look at you future you never want to look at it in a negative light. You want to see youself happy and successful doing whatever it is you wanted to do. That's what drives you to achieve and forfull your dreams and goals. For the past couple of months my future in my mind has looked so dark if I were to put my hand up in front of my face I wouldn't see it. But this week has been different I've started having thoughts of hope and progress and thoughts of a future where I can once again accomplish the things I've always wanted to. The thing is that scares the hell out out of me because I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. It's like my mind attempts to be optimist but because of my past experiences its hard to let go of the pessimist state of mind. I don't know which way to lean. All I can do is hope for the best, but i would lying if I said my mind wasn't all over the place about this.

5.25.13

It's been a few days since my last post. I'm not sure if I mentioned this last time but I was released from the hospital on Monday. For most people they would be ecstatic about this, me not much. Being home means living in a living room where your a side show for all incoming and outgoing traffic. It doesnt allow me any privacy what so ever. It also reminds me of my shortcomings in life giving the fact that I'm soon to be 26 and still live with my parents. But one thing i can say is that my parents have been very, very supportive and accommodating throughout this whole process. I can argue that they have become too accommodating towards me. But I can look in there eyes and see that all of this is rough on them too so I can't fault them for doing anything they can to help. I wish I could say I had some forward progress news for you guys, but I don't. To be honest things seemed to have backtracked a bit. I'm getting alot more spasms then usual and like when everything first started I'm getting excessive tone which cause me to throw myself in aqward positions everytime I try to move my body. Also I've developed a strain in my neck from the rest of my body having to over conpinsate for my legs being none responsive. But I do have some good news and that is I start my actual medication for NMO on Thrusday. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that this one will bring some serious resolution to my ongoing issues.

Acceptance

I would be lying if I said its easy for me to write today. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm getting better or getting worse. Something's have gotten better but then other things have gotten worse. It crazy how we as people get up in the morning hop out of bed. Hop in the shower get dressed, and go to work and think nothing of it. Not even taking the time to realize that having the ability to do these things could one day be taken away from us. I hope to get better, I truly do but whatever happens I have to be winning to accept my reality. Everyone says you'll get better but no one know that for sure not even the doctors. All I truly know is regardless I can't let this defeat me and run my life.

5.20.2013

I woke early this morning and was reading over my comments and I'm just appreciative of everyone who are taking the time to comment or even just read my experiences. For a little more than a year now my life has for the most part flipped upside down. I been through so much not just physically but emotionally throughout this process. But I will save those stories for another day. One thing I can say at the moment is that I'm definitely gaining a story from my life. Sharing it with you all has become empowering at the same time therapeutic for me. Maybe it will have the same effect for someone else too. Excuse me I'm just having one of those deep thought moments.

5.18.2013

It's been a couple days since I posted anything. I would be lying if I said it hasn't been a lot going on. I actually started to get out the house again and to see that there is still life on earth has been great. That seemed short lived because I am back in the hospital. I rather not go into the exact details of what exactly has landed me here. But me and my mother walked into the ER at 7 30am and after running a series of test all day, the doctors decided to admit me at about 9pm. They have put me on another round of steroids to see if that can help. I figure it can't hurt. So it looks like I will be here till Monday or Tuesday. I'm just blessed to have family and friends old and new ones that have continued to be there for me. Where would I be without them.

The Diagnosis

Before I continue I think I need to share some background to my situation. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with MS. Within the past year I have been had a series of relapses that have left me from walking and fully functional to in a wheelchair and having no control of my legs. I also don't have a lot of feeling from my chest down. About 2 months ago I  checked myself in Emory where they placed me in there rehab center. During this time I was told by the doctors that I don't have MS and that I have Neuromyelitis optica. Which is rare disease similar and often confused with MS. This more or less means that all medications that I have been given before have been no help to the relapses I've been having. The good news is the doctor I'm now seeing is great with NMO and says I should regain a lot of my function once on the correct medication. I hope I have the right doctor this time.

Day 1

Physical therapy went well. We did alot of exercises to build back the strengh in my trunk. We also did some exercises to try gain some movement back in my legs. Even though I can't wait to get into Shepard rehab center this is also good for me. 

5.13.2013

Today started off bad but I was able to have energy to get a lot accomplished. I even lifted my left leg to a 30% off the ground. The physical therapist comes tomorrow so hopefully I can get more accomplished.