My month!

I have been really bad with posting. To be honest I've been in such a dark place that I've choose to not to post and share my thoughts. I will return soon but in the mean time I will post some pictures of the month I've had. 

Hot or Cold

I don’t know where to begin today. So many things going on that it’s got my mind all over the place. I’ve officially started my physical therapy. Have a full schedule and everything. Yea it took a couple of months but I now go to Shepard Center three times a week. My family is ecstatic about it and continues to say that this will get me back on my feet. I love their enthusiasm but I honestly wish they would stop putting those thoughts in my head, because when I start to believe that I begin to get into a mode of waiting for it to happen. My life is going on rite now and I continue to waste time “waiting to get back on my feet”. Time is something we will never get back so I have to be careful how much time I sit around waiting for this to happen. What if I never do? I think the toughest part about all of this is the balance of the two beliefs. The belief that you will get back to 100 percent and the belief that this is what it is and your life may just have a wheel chair in it permanently. It’s weird because you almost have to straddle the fence with the two ideas, and I was never one for that type of thinking. At a young age I decided that I when it comes to beliefs and ideas I would either be hot or cold, and never lukewarm. So it’s hard to change the way you think but this what I have to do. If I have to keep both beliefs in my mind I have to learn to do that. I told a friend today that things will change and I will try to go back to managing my life and moving forward with the situation I have. No more waiting around but starting to live again, and at the same time still work hard at getting on my feet. That way if I never get back on my feet at least Ill have the life I built for my self.